do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
MIDGETS
????
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
