I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Oh god it's open bar.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
