literally had 100 drinks last night.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
he's single and there are thong briefs.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
