at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
