if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
