after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
