On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
