Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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