i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Two words: nipple clamps
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