I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
