we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
