dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
