This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
