she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
