Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
