I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
