in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
