a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I love having hate sex.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
