Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
