He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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