I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
