Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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