Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
