oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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