i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
