i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
