You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
