Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
