Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
