New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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