Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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