Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
