I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
