Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
