Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
