walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
