So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
