Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
