I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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