I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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