I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
