One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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