shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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