We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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