i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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