im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
