I cannot find my penis.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
