Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
