I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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