come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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