first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he puts the penis in happiness.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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