the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
