I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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