It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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